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So you want to read my dreams...

This journal is friends-only, for the most part. I've got a few public posts - mostly song lyrics, essays I've cross-posted from elsewhere, and memes - but by and large the personal stuff is not for general consumption.

If you're curious about who I am, please check out my User Info. It's there for a reason. It gives you the basics of who I am and what I'm about, what I'm interested in, and what I'm likely to write about here.

If you've read that and are still interested in friending me, I have a couple of rules that it would be nice if you would abide by while you're in my space. This is, after all, my journal - my private space - and as such, it needs to remain a safe place for me to write about whatever's on my mind.

The Rules, such as they are:

  1. Respect others.
    Not just me, either. If you are commenting to one of my posts, you need to respect me and my views, of course, but you also need to respect other people who are commenting on that post. This doesn't mean you have to agree with my point of view, or anyone else's; it does, however, mean that you must be respectful in your interactions and refrain from calling names or otherwise putting others down for their ideas.
  2. Don't copy stuff without attributing and getting permission.
    Obviously if you want to copy-paste your own comment to your LJ or another blog or whatever, that's perfectly fine. But if your comment quotes someone else, you need to ask them permission before you use that quote. If you are commenting on a flocked or otherwise filtered post, you absolutely must ask permission before you reference my post. I will tell you how you can reference me if you really need to use my information in your own post. It will vary from one situation to the next, so always ask. If a post is public, it is fair game, and all I ask is that you attribute it to me and include the direct link.
If you think you can abide by these rules, go ahead and comment to this post and add me as a friend. Once I've added you, you'll be able to go to the filters poll and choose what filters you want to be on.

And welcome to the dream!

A few things.

I have a bunch of things to talk about because I didn't update yesterday.

Caffeine

So first of all, on Monday I drank a Venti Earl Grey at Starbucks and then I was anxious all day. I drank the thing at around 10.00 a.m. (it lasted me until 11.00 a.m.) and the anxiety didn't start to dissipate until I ate some cheese bread sticks (from Safeway) at about 5.30 p.m. And yes, I had lunch and I'd eaten breakfast, so I wasn't drinking the tea on an empty stomach or anything like that.

Today I made myself a coffee - 1.5 tsp instant coffee, 1 packet hot chocolate mix, 1/4 cup unsweetened plain almond milk, 1.75 cups boiling water. No anxiety. So I don't know what was up with Monday, but I will try a smaller Earl Grey next time I'm at Starbucks and figure out what's the what. Because I can't take stimulants while we're trying to get pregnant since I can't take them while I'm actually pregnant, and the herbal stuff I was taking has the same warning on it. Caffeine is it for self-medicating right now, and I really need to have a way to drink it without freaking myself out.

Diet

I did the analysis and last year I lost 10 lbs the first month I cut sugar. As I cut other things for the candida diet, the loss continued, but I lost a total of 30 lbs in five or so months, stayed steady for one month, and then when I started drinking soy chai tea lattes at Starbucks I started to gain slowly, and when I added sugar in for real after Easter, I regained a total of 20 lbs pretty damn quickly. I'm hovering around 235 lbs right now and I was all the way down to 212 lbs in January. This is unacceptable, so I am cutting sugar completely, or as completely as I can while still eating somewhat normally. If I have to I'll go totally strict again, but I'd rather not. We'll see what happens.

My Tooth

Second molar from the back, top right. It tried to kill me at the end of January. It got properly infected last week and so I got in to see the dentist and he could see the infection finally so they believe me that the tooth is dead and now I need a root canal. Not really a big deal as this will be my third, but of course the roots have to be complicated and twisty, so I have been referred to an endodontist. My appointment is currently on June 30, but I was told it may cost up to $1,500 and they don't direct-bill the insurance company so I have to pay that up front (Visa, MasterCard, debit, I think cash - I need to double-check that) and then get reimbursed. Suffice to say, this is a stretch. I might have to call and ask if we can postpone it until the end of July instead, just so there's actual time to save up for it. Juniper gets paid about $1,500 every two weeks. We sort of have that in savings, but we won't have anything left. So, yeah. *sigh*

Babysitting

I posted about this on Friday, but here are a few things I didn't include:

I showed the 7yo a Loonie (that's a Canadian $1 coin).

7yo: Can I take it and show my friends at home in New York?

Me: Um, no, I'm not giving you my money.

7yo: I'll give it back to you.

Me: How are you going to give it back to me? I will probably never see you again. I'm not giving you a dollar. Ask your parents for one to show your friends.

7yo: No, we'll come back. I'll see you again.

She was SO SURE.

I still didn't give her a Loonie.
And this one:

It was also a bit funny because she kept saying things like “I’m from America,” and “In America, we…”

My favourite though was “I don’t know how they do it in Canada, but in America the oldest is always in charge when the adult isn’t there.”

That was because whenever I had to leave them alone briefly to go to the bathroom or get something in the Tim Hortons we went to, she would ask if she could be in charge while I was gone.

One, even if I was in the bathroom at the house I was close enough to deal if something happened (which it really wasn’t going to) and in the Timmy’s I was literally five feet away.

Two, I am an oldest. I have three younger brothers. I know what happens when you give an oldest sibling that kind of power.
The State of My House

On days when I'm at home, I am going to leave the computer off until dinner time because I really desperately need to focus on getting house stuff done because this place is a disaster and it’s overwhelming and distressing and unless I get some paid work to do I should probably just focus on house stuff.

Not sure how long that’s going to last, probably a while. I need to get the kitchen finished sorted out and I need to deal with my sewing room and get the guinea pigs moved in there and all that and I need to organize the study and our bedroom is a disaster and then there’s stuff to be done in the basement but I think once the main floor is dealt with I will be able to come back in the afternoons.

I strongly suspect I’ll be mostly offline for like at least a month.

At least.

See, I really actually just need some help. But all the people who I could ask who I would be okay with actually seeing what this house is like? They either don’t live around here or they’re allergic to the animals. And I mean, I could ask my parents to help but when would they be able to do that? Maybe when Dad comes down to help my husband with some of the maintenance on the house, Mom can help me with some of the cleaning and organizing indoors.

I keep hoping we’ll win the lottery because then we can hire people and a professional organizer and get it all sorted out and cleaned up and painted nice and replace the floors and fix the things that are wrong with the house and build a new house and everything will be perfect.

Until then, no more internet during the day if I’m at home, unless I have paid work to do.

I did this today and it worked out really well.

Today

Got out of bed at around 8.00 a.m. (alarm went off at 7.00 a.m., I dozed and then played with my iPod).

Did my usual stuff: fed the guinea pigs, fed the cat, made the humans breakfast, packed Juniper’s lunch, gathered the stuff I needed for my day in the city.

Got into the car a bit after 9.00 a.m., as usual for a day in the city. We headed off.

And then the car died. It just stopped working.

Luckily one of our neighbours saw us and took my husband to get some gas, but that wasn’t the problem. So she called her husband and he came after a while with his truck and towed our car to the mechanic’s in town, since we were still on the gravel road and about two minutes from town (still half an hour away from the city) when it died. Then he drove us home and his little boy (about two years old) held Oscar the toy guinea pig for the whole drive. (He is adorable.)

It was 11.00 a.m. by the time we got home.

At that point, Juniper took the truck into the garage because the wipers weren’t working and it was raining all day today. I called and canceled my shift tonight because I hate driving the truck and the person I take out doesn’t like it either. At some point I went out and helped Juniper get the wiper motor off the truck and then he drove over to the neighbour’s because he’d said he had a bunch of bits and pieces and might have a motor. So that did get done, but then Juniper had a migraine so he just stayed home, since by the time that was all dealt with it was like 2.30 p.m. anyway.

While Juniper was dealing with the truck, I started some laundry and sifted the litter box. Then I did the dishes. Then it was noon, so I had lunch and read a book and then I moved the laundry around. At 1.41 p.m. I put fresh sheets on the bed. Then I cleaned the guinea pig cages starting at 2.03 p.m., switching the fleece and towels out for shavings because executive dysfunction is a thing and cleaning properly hasn’t been happening with the fabric bedding. Shavings are easier.

I figured I would also move Bubble’s cage so we could find where the smell was coming from since we knew it was probably the dead ground squirrel from last month (remember, the one that went in behind the cages and then disappeared). So before doing fresh bedding (after I took out the soiled stuff) I cut the zip ties on the outer cubes for his cage and loosened them, and then I lifted up the cage base.

If you heard a blood-curdling shriek at about 2.30 p.m. (Saskatchewan time), that was me.

I found the ground squirrel.

Apparently the reason we couldn’t find it before was that it had crawled under Bubble’s cage. And then it died.

Juniper cleaned it up Cut this bit because ewCollapse ) and then I put baking soda on the rug and sprayed down the bottom of the cage with vinegar and water and wiped it with a paper towel after it had soaked a bit and dude I washed my hands with antibacterial soap after that.

I also sprayed Febreez in there because holy wow it reeked.

I finished with the big cage and brought up a store cage for Bubble because I need to change the C&C base a bit for the new location. I also washed their food and veggie bowls and got everything all nice for them. Then I terrorized them with nail clippers and scissors. Well, the scissors were just for Bubble and Squeak, but still. Squeak had a big mat over his grease gland but I cut it out. Poor dude will probably be way more comfy now. Next week I’m going to see if I can clean their grease glands properly. I’ve never tried it before, but I’m sure I can find some instructions online. (Like at GuineaLynx.)

So all of the guinea pig stuff took two hours. Then I moved more laundry around. Then I spent 20 minutes unfucking my kitchen, which looks way better now even though I don’t feel like I did very much. I just cleared off the table, bagged a bunch of the empty water bottles, and removed a bunch of plastic bags. Oh, and reorganized (a little bit) the small book case that’s by the door downstairs, which I use for canned goods that don’t fit in the cupboard.

At 5.10 p.m. I started dinner (leftover pork chop, salad, and freshly made mashed potatoes) and then I did my writing prompt since that’s by hand. When my dinner was ready, I turned on my laptop and here I am. I ate a bit after 6.00 p.m. and I restocked the queue for the ADHD blog while I was at it. Trying to stay on top of things while also respecting the fact that I need no computer in order to get stuff done around the house.

This entry was originally posted at http://karalianne.dreamwidth.org/777719.html. You can comment there using OpenID, or you can just comment here; I'm good with whatever.

[reposted post] LiveJournal

So, after nearly a decade at this site, LJ finally does something that makes me actually rage. No popcorn and laughing as the masses storm to news posts complaining, this time I'm actually worried.

A while back I was invited to help out with BETA testing new LJ services (I got this invite via lj_releases).

They have just announced BETA testing of a new friendslist.

LJ is planning on redoing everyone's friendslists in the style of the new comment page and update page. They want to copy tumblr and make your friendslist into a dashboard-like system page (infinite scrolling and all). It's also been renamed to "feed" (this I don't mind too much, though). In fact the whole dashboard idea with infinite scrolling wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that everyone will be locked to one specific layout. The system style comment pages are bad enough, but now I'll have to strain my eyes reading my flist? That defeats the purpose of this entire site. The font, use of whitespace, oversized boxes and UI elements ... all contribute to making the page difficult to read, on a site where all you do is read. Aaaah. Even just the possibility of adjusting the font (style and size) would make this suggestion easier to swallow, but it's still not something I'd want for my journal. It would not improve my LJ experience in any way (in fact it would most likely make my daily LJ activities more time consuming).

Now, I wasn't able to make the BETA page display my own friendslist, so I apologise to the random users who are featured in the screenshot, but to give everyone an idea, the below image shows you what your friendslist probably will look like in a couple of months.


(Click for big)

[A couple of more screenshots]
I never switched over from Dystopia, so that adds to the weirdness. You're going to have to picture this with the standard LiveJournal drop down navigation + no blue sidebar to the left. Click the screenshots for bigger versions.

Top of page with links to journal, archive, profile


Example of text heavy post as displayed on friendslist


New buttons to the right replace the navigation strip. One tab for filters


One tab for Archive/Calendar, you can filter your feed to display posts from one specific date. These buttons follow along as you scroll down the page (infinite scrolling).



All friendslists will look the same.

Snippet from the locked post at lj_releases:
The friends page has been redesigned as a system page for all users, and is now available for Beta testers. There is a link at the top of your friends page allowing you to switch between the new and old versions, and will later go into public beta testing. You can switch back and forth between both versions throughout beta testing.

PUBLIC POST AT lj_releases ABOUT THE NEW FRIENDSLIST: http://lj-releases.livejournal.com/79480.html.

You can also see the proposed changes for yourself by enabling the BETA on your own journal (instructions from ruljautonews):
It's trivially easy to test beta features.
1) Go to lj_ru_beta and request to join.
2) Wait to get confirmation that you've been accepted into the community (this could take a few hours.)
3) Go to this page and choose Go To under Beta.
4) That's it, you're now testing the beta release. All site-scheme pages should now display a big "BETA BETA BETA BETA BETA BETA" in yellow letters across the top.
5) You could make comments in the lj_ru_beta post, but if you do please keep this in mind: the majority of commenters there don't speak English and if they do it's not their primary language. Machine translation of Russian is lousy. "My hovercraft is full of eels" lousy. While you can engage in basic dialogue and get a feel for what the other person is saying, don't get too hung up on anyone's phrasing.

You can easily switch back to the old version.

Make sure you let LJ know what you think of these proposed changes, I can't be the only one who thinks this is a horrible idea.

ETA: It's nice to see that I'm not the only one worried about the proposed changes, but please direct your feedback through the proper channels. This is a private journal, I have no affiliation with LJ. Please also be respectful when addressing the LJ staff. They are just doing their jobs. Thanks!

ETA2: Russian news post about the BETA test: http://lj-ru-beta.livejournal.com/7013.html

ETA3: Added more screenshots.

ETA4: Additional info at ruljautonews: http://ruljautonews.livejournal.com/27964.html

ETA5: An update on the new site scheme.

ETA6: Public beta has now been announced. Official announcement.

ETA7 (really?): RUSSIAN NEWS POSTS CONFIRM PAGINATION AND ABILITY TO CUSTOMIZE FONT AND BACKGROUND IN THE FUTURE, ruljautonews HAS MORE: http://ruljautonews.livejournal.com/28207.html

Tumblr is stupid sometimes.

There's lots of funny stuff on there and that's what I love. But I go into the ADHD tag and I see a lot of stupid crap. I can't just stop looking, because that's where I get the posts I reblog on the Actually ADHD side blog I started.

But seriously, most recent asshattery was this gem:

The word “SUFFER.”
glowyourownway:

So I was perusing through Tumblr, as I do normally, and then I decided to search for something that I have always had a weird view on. ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Kids are diagnosed as early as the age of five with this so called disorder, and most of them are just regular kids! Kids don’t pay attention, kids get crazy, it’s what they do, it’s how it is… But as an opportunity to pedal drugs and make money, the drug companies and pharmacies are diagnosing kids more frequently every year. 600,000 children were diagnosed with ADHD/ADD in 1997, and nearly 2 million were diagnosed this year. But the part I REALLY don’t get is that physicians are prescribing these drugs that are Amphetamines, so they work much like “speed.” And so they are expecting this to help these already high functioning kids. So yeah, let’s pedal out speed to kids and then act surprised whenever they become fucked up.

So of course I reblogged with commentary. I'm kind of proud of this one.

This view is not original. It is not weird. You are not special for thinking that people who have ADHD shouldn’t take “speed.”

Allow me to educate you for a moment. (And I am making this extremely simple, because I don’t know that I’m capable of getting really in-depth at the moment.)

The reason stimulant medication works is that it affects how the brain uses dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter. It’s very important for things like executive functioning, which is all in the frontal lobes and covers everything from controlling one’s behaviours to controlling focus/attention to making plans to breaking large jobs down into smaller steps (and more, but we’ll stop there for now).

People who have ADHD have underactive frontal lobes. Our brains don’t use dopamine very efficiently. Taking stimulants makes that work better for us.

There are studies that show that treating ADHD with medication during childhood results in less drug abuse, not more.

You know what DOES fuck up people who have ADHD?

Ignorant asses who don’t know what they’re talking about, telling us we shouldn’t take our meds, telling us our disorder doesn’t actually exist, telling us we just need to try harder and we’re just lazy, and all kinds of other BULLSHIT we put up with every single fucking day from non-ADHDers (and even from other ADHDers).

In case you weren’t aware, THIS IS ABLEIST CRAP AND A FORM OF BULLYING.

STOP IT.


Oh, and my tags included "get out of the ADHD tag."

(Seriously. What is up with people thinking they're special for BEING ABLEIST? WTF?)
Is life in vain?
Are we ghosts rattling chains?
When we get what we want
Are the problems still the same?
Cause my hands can't heal
While I'm holding on so tight
And my heart won't care enough
To pick a better fight

Show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life

No greater love
No greater love
Can you say there's no greater love?

Is it still my turn?
I think I'm the last one left to learn
That the life I lose
Is the least of my concerns

Show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life

No greater love
No greater love
Can you say there's no greater love?
No greater love
No greater love
Can you say there's no greater love?

So show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life laid down

Show me the beauty of a life laid down
Laid down
Show me the beauty of a life

No greater love
No greater love
Can you say there's no greater love?
No greater love
No greater love
Can you say there's no greater love?

So show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life
Show me the beauty of a life laid down

Surgery

I am at the hospital, in a gown and robe. There is Internet for patients and visitors, so I am using my iPod to write this post. I don't know when I will actually go in for the surgery or anything. I had my anxiety attack on Sunday night, so I'm good now.

I'll post when it's over, if I can.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Please fill out my form!

I am embarking upon a new project. The first stage of this project is located here. If you are interested in sharing your methods for home management, if you would like to learn how to personalize the systems you may have tried in the past so that they work this time around, or if you have no idea how to start or where to learn how to handle home management, please go and fill out this form for me.

The intent is to produce an instruction book (or blog, or both) that will help readers figure out how to manage their homes in a way that works for them. Rather than simply putting out yet another blog or book that explains a personal system, I thought more people would benefit from learning how to take what's out there and make it work for them, instead of continuing to struggle with forcing themselves to follow systems that weren't designed with them in mind.

I need as much data as possible, so please share the link with anyone you think might be interested in or benefit from this project!
"Wonderin'"
(Matthew Thiessen of Relient K)

Well I'm wonderin' bout the road ahead of me,
Wonderin' bout the things you said to me,
Wonderin' if these dreams will ever do.
And I'm wonderin' bout the way I spend my days,
Wonderin' if it's even worth the chase,
Wonderin' if there's still a need from you.

(Uh) We didn't know what to do
You were lookin at me and I was lookin at you
We were thinkin' it odd but we were thankin' our God
For the hope that He put down deep in our hearts
And yo, without a second to think
We was turned around and we were makin that bank
And we was ridin in style clockin them miles
With the songs that He put down deep in our hearts

Well I'm wonderin' bout the road ahead of me,
Wonderin' bout the things you said to me,
Wonderin' if these dreams will ever do.
And I'm wonderin' bout the way I spend my days,
Wonderin' if it's even worth the chase,
Wonderin' if there's still a need from you.

Yeah, it's been a minute my friend
And you and I, we never thought it would end
But when we stopped to pause and opened the doors
There's some dreams that were put down deep in my heart
But hey, I'm always thinkin of you
And I can see your influence in the things that I do
Think and thin, forever my friend
Cause there's a vine that was put down deep in our hearts

Well I'm wonderin' bout the road ahead of me,
Wonderin' bout the things you said to me,
Wonderin' if these dreams will ever do.
And I'm wonderin' bout the way I spend my days,
Wonderin' if it's even worth the chase,
Wonderin' if there's still a need from you.

We didn't know what to do
You were lookin at me and I was lookin at you
We were thinkin' it odd but we were thankin' our God
For the hope that He put down deep in our hearts
And hey, if I could turn back time
I wouldn't touch a day I wouldn't shade the shine
Cause I do know this, I won't be remiss with the memories locked away in my heart (locked away in my heart..)

Well I'm wonderin' bout the road ahead of me,
Wonderin' bout the things you said to me,
Wonderin' if these dreams will ever do.
And I'm wonderin' bout the way I spend my days,
Wonderin' if it's even worth the chase,
Wonderin' if there's still a need from you.
I see my life sometimes and I ask why
My heart became like stone and turned to ice tell me what have I become
But you came just in time like a shooting star across my universe out of the dark tell me what have I become

Take me away
You save me from myself and all I do
Cause life just ain't the same when I'm with you
I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars

I see life through new set of eyes
Set on someone different that I never realized
Outside my mind is a lost world that lies
But step into my thoughts you'll believe you can fly
Your words like wings gravity they defy
My heart like a leaf on the wind catchin' rides
They say we can't make it at least we gotta try
We make to much sense to foolishly pass it by
So I'm taking a rainbow up to the 5th floor
Steppin' out to see that you're really worth more and I
See our love in 3d
No more 2 dimensional worries
Climb until the sky don't exist no more
That's when I'll knock knock on your front door
Open to the possibilities I ignored
But I know now exactly what our love was meant for

Take me away
You save me from myself and all I do
Cause life just aint the same when I'm with you
I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars

Now, I can see my life from way up high
And all the troubles I once knew I left behind
I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars

And I can see, much more clear
When I'm lost in your atmosphere
You pull me close, to the place
Where you're always waiting
So I won't stop, the walls are down
Make my way at the speed of sound
Hold me now hold me now

Lord, Take me away
You save me from myself and all I do
Cause life just ain't the same when I'm with you
I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars

I can see my life from way up high
And all the troubles I once knew I left behind
I can climb the sky you got me walking on the stars

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/walking-on-the-stars-lyrics-group-1-crew.html ]

This entry was originally posted at http://karalianne.dreamwidth.org/644419.html. You can comment there using OpenID, or you can just comment here; I'm good with whatever.

Must laugh.

I've been going through old LJ posts and found one where I did a meme about my LJ use. So I re-did the quiz, and my scores all went up.




The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test
CategoryYour ScoreAverage LJer
Community Attachment23.66%
You've got pals to cheer you up when you're down, but no audience to applaud you... Yet.
22.86%
MemeSheepage33.33%
Easily amused
27.36%
Original Content53.23%
Using LiveJournal to express a few strong opinions
38.01%
Psychodrama Quotient13.25%
Had a comment taken out of context once or twice
16.5%
Attention Whoring20.45%
You do a little dance whenever someone friends you
20.58%


This entry was originally posted at http://karalianne.dreamwidth.org/632747.html. You can comment there using OpenID, or you can just comment here; I'm good with whatever.

Tags:

It's clearer inside of me
Who I will always be
Opening up to the Stars
Crystals and Mystics and Scenics and Memories
Beginning to open my mind
Shining the sun in the sky
Waking me up to my life
Waking me up in my life...
…………………………………….
And everything I ever wanted to be...

Calling my own Shooting stars


Angels and Astronauts
Circling outside my sphere

Mercy and Graciousness
Spectics and Morriettes
Sending me Talisman Chimes

Open my heart and my mind
Do it all over again (Do it all over)
To do it all over again
(Doing it again
To get to the end)

Gotta find the answers

It's everything I ever wanted
Everythïng I ever wanted to be.
Every little thing I do
Trickles down and lands on you
I don't plan to get it wrong
Maybe keep your raincoat on

Even just one small mistake
Something ripples in the wake
When I say you're face is so bright
Makes me wanna do every little thing right

Every little thing right

Little things are hard to see
They hide behind the family tree
And their shadows dancing in the breeze
And they change their way and look at me

Every little tiny face
Holds the answer to this place
Someone here might pray tonight
'Cause I just wanna do every little thing right

Every little thing right

Every little thing right

(Every little thing I do
Trickles down and lands on you)

Every little thing right
(I don't plan to get it wrong
Maybe keep your raincoat on)

Every little thing right
Every little thing right...

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